English / Verbal
Im not lazy, Im on energy saving mode.
I love my job only when Im on vacation.....
Life is Short - Chat Fast!
If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.
How can i miss something i never had?
Girls use photoshop to look beautiful.. Boys use photoshop to show their creativity.
Fact: Phone on silent mode- 10 Missed call... Turns volume to loud- Nobody calls all day!!
Girls, if he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs. send him to KFC.
You can never buy Love....But still you have to pay for it ..
If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. Ill tell you more.
Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?
I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you dont need it.
My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death..!!
When Im a Pedestrian I Hate cars.. When Im Driving I Hate Pedestrians...
Whoever says "Good Morning" on Mondays deserves to get slapped :)
Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.
Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook.
Everything funnier when your supposed to be quiet..
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes!!
Save water drink beer.
6 Peg Loading .. :D
Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software...its called #Monday, please fix it
Always wear cute pajamas to bed youll never know who you will meet in your dreams.
God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me :P
Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.
When Im on my death bed, I want my final words to be "I left one million dollars in the...
I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.
My father always told me, Find a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your life.
Life is too short smile while you still have teeth...
My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
If College has taught us anything, its texting without looking :)
Im Jealous Of My Parents... Ill Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs!
I Like to study.. Arithmetic - NO ... world history - NO .... chemistry - NO .... GIRLS - YES!!!
Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship!! :P
People call me mike .. You can call me tonight.. :p
Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol (o_o) (>_
Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.
People who exercise live longer, but whats the point when those extra years are spent at gym.
Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting that fact that youre going to die.
Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
We are WTF generation .... WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook :D
Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL
Its been 70+ years, Tom. Youre never going to eat Jerry :)
I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. :)
Theres like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world ... huh
Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery wont make a bad person.
I dont usually sleep enough, but when I do, its still not enough ;)
The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight :)
The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is "Salary is Credited" :)
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
I wonder what happens when doctors wife eats an apple a day. :)
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep :)
TODAY has been cencelled. Go back to BED :)
Ive had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. :)
Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.
At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.
I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :D
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lol
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
I am sure I have a defective iPhone, I keep pressing the home button and Im still at work.
My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.
I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice :)
If time does not wait for you, dont worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
If school has taught us anything, its texting without looking :)
I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them :)
All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
Try to say the letter M without your lips touching.
Excuse me .... Plesae empty your pockets .... I think you stole my heart.
I used to like my neighbors, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi :)
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat :)
Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture :)
I look at people sometimes and think ..... Really?? Thats the sperm that won :)
How do people write an auto biography? I can barley remember what I had for lunch yesterday :)
Nothing is illegal until you get caught :)
Admit it, you listen to other strangers conversations and mentally give your opinion.
Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me. :)
Girls work on their looks but not their minds bcoz they know boys are stupid, not blind.
I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something :)
Only fools fall in love and I guess Im one of them :)
God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China :)
Friday is my second favorite F word.
For all the girls that say ..... All guys are the same ...... Who told you to try them ALL.
I think I got a fever, a fever of you :)
I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday :)
Please GOD if you cant make me slim, make my friends fat.
Its better to fail than to cheat but its better to cheat than to repeat.
Most emotional moment in a boys life, When a girl says, Can you give me your number :D
Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you Guys.
I dont believe that love comes to those who wait. Today love comes to those who flirt. LOLz
Dear Food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat :)
Its funny how people judge others mistakes while they also do the same thing.
The question I have not been able to answer is "What... does a woman want?"
Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, shes not coming back.
I speak two languages, Body and English.
BRB = I dont want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I dont care.
Id like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste :)
Kiss me and you will see how important I am.
If you cant find the key to success, pick the lock.
Everything I like is either Illegal, Immoral, Fattening, Addictive, Expensive, or Impossible.
One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. Marriage is "Dont you think youve had enough!".
Quit your job, buy a ticket, get a train, fall in love and never return.
My name is I. My problem is love. My solution is you.
If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must break your mirror :D
Caution, Blind Man Driving.
Milk does the body good but DAMN how much did you drink?
If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
Scratch here ?????????????? to reveal my status!
Whatever it is — I didnt do it!
Im not short, I am just concentrated awesome!
You can stay in my heart without paying single penny.
If you dont care stop talking about it.
Girl, you better have a license, coz you are driving me crazy!
Flip a coin... If head comes, I am yours, if tail comes then you are mine. :)
She loves me or not but I love her a lot. :P
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Laugh alone and the world thinks youre an idiot.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now Im not too sure.
Gravity always gets me down. :)
If life doesnt scare the shit out of you, youre doing it wrong.
I gotta go to work today because millions of people on welfare depend on me.
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always!
What do girls want? EVERYTHING!!!
Money cant buy LOVE but can buy WOMAN to make LOVE
I know the door to your heart belongs to another, but I think I can slip in through the window.
Behind every successful man... There is a confused woman.
You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on.
Laziness Is The Mother Of All Bad Habits But Ultimately She Is A Mother And We Should Respect Her.
Sorry... Im not Rihanna. I dont love the way you lie.
Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos. :D
HEY YOU, yeah Im talking to you, why the hell are you reading my status?
You can never really say whats on your mind, when your family is on Facebook.
I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out!!!
If Sunny Leone marries Sunny Deol, she will also become Sunny Deol :P :D :P :D
Dear LOL and Hamm, Thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say. :D
Dear Sleep! I Know We Had Problems When I Was Younger! But NOW I Lubbb you :-D
Our generation doesnt ring the doorbell...we text or call to say were outside...
We live in WTF generation - Wikipedia, twitter, facebook
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative. :p
When people dont laugh at my jokes I just assume that theyre not up to my level of comedy.
I follow the quote, "Always be true to yourself" because I only lie to others... :P :D
If "Da Vinci Code" has been written by Punjabi author then its name would be "Vinci Da Code"!
Dear mom and dad, when I lie to you, its for your own good. :P
Excuse me! Ye lijiye aapki soch. Mujhe giri hui mili thi. :P
Every time I drink I get awesome :-)
After getting drunk, Bachelor of Technology turns into Master of Philosophy.
Bitch is just a term used for girl who refuses dogs proposal. :P
What i if told you...you the read first line wrong... same with the second... :p
I am so cool, my selfie is called a kulfi!
Some people have relationships and some people have patiyala.
Be careful of following the masses - remove the "m" and who exactly are you following?
I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves.
Onions make me sad. A lot of people dont realize that.
Its not that Im afraid to die, I just dont want to be there when it happens. – Woody Allen
Im on a whiskey diet.. Ive lost three days already.
I dont worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.