English / Verbal
Im drinking like theres snow tomorrow.
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
Impossible only means that you havent found the solution yet.
Crying doesnt indicate that youre weak. Since birth, it has been a sign that youre alive.
All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them.
The best part about daylight savings is that the clock in my car is correct again.
The Earth without Art is just EH.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.
Theres no place like 127.0.0.1
The past tense of wink is wunked.
Just high fived that wall with my face.
Look for something positive in each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder.
Even a turtle only makes progress when it sticks its neck out.
Single? Taken? Im just ready for summer 2018.
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
Admit it, you are not the same person you were a year ago.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
Tough times never last, tough people do.
Actions speak louder than words, so believe what you see and forget what you heard.
Whenever someone says to me Things could be worse I punch them in the face and say Like that?
I dont watch tv proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
That awkward moment when you dont know how to reply to a really sweet text.
Saying What? And then realizing what they said a second later.
Who remembers going on the computer as kids, just to go on paint and space pinball?
Dont make me regret letting you merge into my lane. (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page )